No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
