He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
