yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
