I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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