I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
