I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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