My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
