I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
