well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
