this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
