and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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