Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
