She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
