I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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