Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
