drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
