Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
