Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
