I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
