u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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