I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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