Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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