apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
