I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
