I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
