Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
