gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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