Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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