So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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