My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
