Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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