I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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