Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think my moral compass just broke
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