I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
