I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
then he tried to convert me to islam
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
