i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
