Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
