if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
