spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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