just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
