I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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