Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
