too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
