Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
