At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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