Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
