I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
