So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
