this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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