Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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