i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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