There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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