I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
